Cleveland, OH- My first time ever to Cleveland; I feel the bus stop moving, I hear people shuffling about in the hallway of our sleeping quarters; there’s a firm tap on the curtain of my bunk, rousing me from my dream-state; it’s Blake Bunzel. “Fabb & I are going to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame,” he states. Immediately, I roll out of my bottom bunk to the floor & rise to my feet; I throw on some jeans and my Chucks, brush my teeth, shower with baby wipes and we’re out the door in less than ten minutes. We head down Euclid, make a right turn a block later, our destination lies a mile ahead. I realize that I’m walking to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame with two bonafide rockstars. So what does that make me?
The most poignant observation of the museum, to me personally, is the enormous structure that lies just west of it: right across a small inlet from Lake Erie, adjacent to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, literally a block away, is the Cleveland Browns Stadium. A modern-day coliseum where modern-day gladiators engage in organized hand-to-hand combat. Often, I do not know which side of my personality is being fed by all these experiences; the savage warrior who only wants to destroy, or the sensitive poet who only wants to create. Basically, this parcel of Ohio land completely embodies the great divide that bisects my psyche.
During the most formative years of my young adult-hood, I spent countless hours each day sweating and bleeding on a football field with my closest friends, in the endless pursuit of glory. But what kind of glory? Back then, competition and violence defined who we were: champions. It was high-times filled with high-emotions; the game really was our passion, physicality at it’s finest. Today, I spend countless hours a day bleeding my heart out with my brother, in the same endless pursuit. High-emotions still abound, but now I thrive on intangible human connections. My passion has evolved.
I see myself in the reflective surfaces that surround me, a hooded spectre exploring every city-scape, searching for something around every corner… for what, I no longer know. So I see my dark reflection and can’t help feeling like Derek Zoolander… who am I?
Milwaukee, WI- So I had one of the most memorable Turkey Days of my life, yesterday…top 3 for sure! I went to Whole Foods with In This Moment and packed myself two huge boxes from the hot bar, dropping $40 on food alone; but it’s Thanksgiving, I deserve some left-overs. We ate our personal feasts together on the bus, one big happy, motley family! The ground was covered with snow, the trees glazed with the purest white ice and the inside of our bus was warm with candle-light; our little vessle, “R2-D-Tour,” has almost become a friend, of sorts. So far from home and my loved ones, I surprisingly feel like this is exactly where I’m supposed to be. I am so very thankful for this experience, thankful for the opportunity to expand my known horizons.
Minot, ND- Our show tonight was on the heels of two straight days off; one spent in the parking lot of a Comfort Inn in Spokane, and the other spent in the parking lot of a Walmart in Boseman, MT. The majority of both down days were spent working out, reading and playing video games… this is a pace of existence that I haven’t experienced for as long as I can remember. It hasn’t felt so good to do so little in SO long… apparently, I was built for life on the road. I fall asleep faster on the bus than I have in any bed, without being completely wasted; I wake up feeling refreshed and looking forward to the day, regardless of the fact that we’re going to be doing absolutely nothing. And I don’t hate myself nearly as much when on the road. But this is not real life… Why do I not feel so validated at home? Why do I not question or doubt myself as much when I’m so far away from everyone that has ever loved me? This life cannot be reality, it is a dream-scape that very few of us get access to… and I am truly grateful to be here.
Vancouver- I’m sitting by myself in a cafe on Granville Street, watching people of all creeds and colors walk past the window. I have no money in my pocket and no food in my belly, yet I am content. Last night I trekked through downtown Seattle, marveling at how things can change so drastically but still remain relatively the same. I think the infamous Snake Plissken said something similar once… it’s a fiitting paraphrase, as I feel like I’m living life as a movie right now. But am I the only one watching this film? I try to burn every sight, every scent, every sound into the gray matter of my conciousness… I so desperately want to remember every moment of this adventure. I now find myself in a strange new city, preparing to bare my soul to fresh new faces tonight. The ony thing I can do, during my four nightly minutes on stage with In This Moment, is hope that someone, somewhere, will feel the fire burning within me… and believe, as I do.
Portland, OR- It was a long night of driving small 2-lane roadways through the thick moonlit forest of northern California. It was a somber evening on the bus, as we left Reno; In This Moment & the Soldiers of the Wasteland endured a tragic event. The open road seemed sad, as it passed beneath our vehicle. We pulled into Portland with sheets of rain pouring down around us, yet I haven’t wanted to get off the bus more since being on this tour. So I walked around the Pearl District with Travis, despite the torrential downfall. We grabbed some coffee & a hot samosa from a street vendor, for a little taste of home. Upon returning to the bus, the band recieved news that they have been offered a massive tour in 2011, possibly the biggest of their careers, to date. And like that, the bus is happy again, alive once more… as if, in an instant, the Oregon rain washed away the dark residue of last night.
Reno, NV- The leaves are falling in northern Nevada, a crisp breeze blows through the open windows on the bus. I took a long walk around downtown Reno earlier, visited some historical and personal landmarks… for a moment, I thought how nice it will be to see some old friends or family up here… but then I realized I no longer have any one in the “Biggest Little City in the World.” It dawned on me how much life has changed; who knew I’d be back up here, singing on the radio… to un-familiar ears. I embrace this wave of loneliness, it ignites the heart… and it will pass.
120 miles outside Orangevale, CA- We had a day off in L.A. last night but for me it was a small dose of home. The IN THIS MOMENT crew was gracious enough to let Laura Marie ride on the bus with us from Phoenix; we crammmed into my little space-bunk together. Then My brother & his girl Mary Eileen met us in the City of Angels, so the four of us went to Manhattan Beach to watch what may have been the most perfect susnet I’ve seen in a long while… As I stare out the window, watching the California countryside fly by, I can’t help but marvel at where the music I’ve been fortunate enough to make with my brother has taken us & I’m anxious to see where we’re headed… may the journey continue!
Jeff Fabb/In This Moment/ Warped Tour 2009 Burbank, CA-
We are Otherwise. What a Beautiful idea, that eveyone can come together, enjoy the music. Rock N Roll. Absolutely, here on the amazing tour bus of one of our most influential Metal Bands teaching us how to rock, In This Moment. They’re here chilling, enjoying this Life By Music. Jeff Fabb is a ridiculous drummer!!
p.s. rockin’ some Tom Petty is almost too appropriate on a tour bus ~ADRIAN
Fell asleep in Colarado watching Gladiator, woke up in New Mexico, time traveling once again; hit the gym hard with the dudes from Nonpoint & walked 3 miles, into the sunset, back to the In This Moment tour bus where a Soldier of the Wasteland brought us all spiritual gifts & a bucket of home-cooked pasta; to see how the art of music can so deeply affect another human being is a truly un-nerving & humbling experience; I hope to burn all of this journey into the very fabric of who I am, into the artist I strive to become.