Houston, TX- The wind is whipping around the bus and although it’s aggressive, it’s somehow soothing. There is a river running behind the Scout Bar as the clouds in the sky catch the sunlight and throw it back down to us in silver ribbons. Last night we were in Oklahoma City, a town that I have some history with. The moon hung plump and low in it’s celestial half-cradle and after the show I had a Crown and Coke with Dan Brown, In This Moment’s intrepid stage manager. We poured them strong and I welcomed the warm feeling spreading through my belly, enjoying the slight head-change as soon as it hit. I haven’t really drunk much on this tour, in fact, my brother and I didn’t touch a drop on all of Mayhem Fest this past summer (except for a beer we split at the original Cheers in Boston). I’ve actually gone to a handful of AA meetings with my spiritual tour-mate, while out on the road. He told me that when the time was right, I would just know that I had a problem.
But after seeing the plights of those who truly suffer from a chemical dependency, I utterly believe that I do not have a drinking problem. I know I don’t. I’ve never had an uncontrollable urge to drink, I never wake up craving alcohol. Yes, I’ve had problems when I’ve been drinking, on more than one occasion, but I know now that the issue lies in my anger and frustration. This quest, this struggle for something more can be overwhelming at times and in a city like Las Vegas where booze and drugs and sex and money flow like water, it’s extremely easy to let your demons get the best of you. I’ve had people close to me say that I’m a different person when I’m drunk, but isn’t that the point of any substance, to get away from yourself temporarily? And some of those same people smoke more weed or pop more pills or drink more coffee than I would ever care to.
So in a sense, I really feel like I did take something from those meetings in all those different towns. I’ll probably go to one, every so often, just to keep things in perspective. That’s actually what this entire tour has been about, at least for me personally… a new perspective.